Shattered to Dust…

 

“And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.”  – Genesis 2:7

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“Dust doesn’t have to signify the end.  Dust is often what must be present for the new to begin.” – Lysa Terkeurst

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Throughout this journey with depression and anxiety I have had many people come out of the woodwork to show love, support, and share their own personal experiences in an effort to connect and provide hope in my darkest times.  A friend recommended that I read the book, “It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way,” by Lysa Terkeurst. I hadn’t heard of it, but she offered, that in her darkest times, it helped her, and she hoped it could help me as well. I started reading the book, and like with many of the things in my life lately, it got pushed aside for one reason or another.

By chance, while shopping at Target the other night, I happened to see this very book on the shelf, and was a little surprised. I hadn’t realized it was a popular book, but either way, it reminded me that I had stopped reading it and should give it another try.  That night I started reading the book again. I wasn’t entirely sure if it was for me after reading the first chapter, but kept going. It was the second chapter that spoke to my heart and soul, giving me a renewed sense of hope.

Chapter Two

The second chapter of the book, titled “Dust”, felt like it was written just for me. The premise of the chapter is that there are going to be times we feel broken, but what about the times we feel shattered.  Shattered to the point of dust.  It is this state of dust that leaves us desperately hopeless….

When Someone Else Says It So Much Better

This book so eloquently puts into words what I have felt and struggled with over the last months.  The feelings that God could have stopped all this from happening in the first place, that He could fix everything now, feeling complete emptiness with nothing to give, feeling the timing of all this was a “cruel twist of irony-” when other mothers gush about the love and joy they feel, I was stuck feeling the exact opposite, and the reminder that I can’t control things, that I can’t control God.  The author writes my exact thoughts,

“I want to assume God would have intervened and prevented this… from happening in the first place…. But what if fixing isn’t at all what God has in mind for us…?” – Lysa Terkeurst.

Another Profound Epiphany!?

This whole time I have been focused and fighting to get back to the person I once was.  But what if that in itself is the problem?  Maybe I’ve been fighting to become something old, when something new and better is what God has had in His plan all along.  And just like me, I’ve fought change as hard as I could.  Maybe it’s not about fighting to get back to where I was, but fighting to get to where I need to be now.

All this time I assumed being shattered to dust couldn’t possibly be for good.

“But what if shattering is the only way to get dust back to its basic form so that something new can be made?” – Lysa Terkeurst.

When I look back over my life and look at the most difficult of times, it was those times that I fought to stay the same, resisted change, and refused to understand or see that maybe something good could come of the painful circumstances.

When God Speaks to You

The key point that struck me to my core, was the way the author uses the concept of mixing dust with water to form clay, that when placed in the potter’s hands, can be made into anything.  If you have read my previous articles, you know that I sing my son to sleep each night, and I usually sing him three lullabies.  However, over the past few weeks, he has taken an exceptionally long time to fall asleep and so I’ve had to sing more than the usual three songs. I don’t often sing hymns, but these last weeks one hymn in particular kept coming to my mind.  The hymn is based on a scripture in Isaiah that compares the Lord to be the potter and we are the clay.

“But now, O Lord, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand.” – Isaiah 64:8

And I have been singing him this song almost daily for weeks now.  So, when I stumbled across this part of the chapter, I was amazed at how God works to let you know you matter.

“If we weren’t ever shattered we’d never know the glorious touch of the Potter making something glorious out of dust, out of us.” – Lysa Terkeurst

Ultimately, it comes down to trust.  Trusting completely without fear.

“If I want His promises, I have to trust His process.  I have to trust that first comes the dust, and then comes the making of something even better with us.  God isn’t ever going to forsake you, but He will go to great lengths to remake you.” – Lysa Terkeurst.

New Beginning

I’m not entirely sure what this new beginning and new me will look like at the end of this journey. I would like to think it will be someone patient and kind, forgiving and wise, happy and at peace.  If nothing more, I am happy to have a renewed hope.

 

References:

• Terkeurst, Lysa.  (2018).  It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way.  Nashville: Nelson Books.
• Holy Bible, King James Version.