Safe

 

I recently heard a hymn that made me reevaluate my perspective on Christ and how I’ve been feeling.

If you’ve been following along my blog you know that I suffered severe postpartum depression and anxiety that have continued beyond 1 year postpartum. I still struggle with the thoughts and fears of anxiety and depression is never far behind.

I have struggled with my relationship with Christ through this ordeal because I have felt abandoned and alone. I couldn’t understand why God would let one of his children suffer so terribly and allow it to continue. So naturally, I became angry with God that he was willing to let me suffer instead of heal me. At times I felt it was a punishment for my lack of faith with Declan or perhaps I had just strayed to far away for God to care anymore. Either way, God didn’t seem to be there and nothing seemed to change. I recently had a relapse that has sent me into depression that we are trying to control, and yet again I prayed that God would take this from me, but nothing happened.

During this pandemic church is now on Zoom and one of the member played this song that started to change it all for me.

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‘Til the Storm Passes By

by Thomas Mosie Lister

Verse 1: In the dark of the midnight have I oft hid my face, while the storm howls above me, and there’s no hiding place. ‘Mid the crash of thunder, Precious Lord hear my cry, keep me safe till the storm passes by.

Chorus: Till the storm passes over, till the thunder sounds no more, till the clouds roll forever from the sky. Hold me fast, let me stand in the hollow of Thy hand, keep me safe till the storm passes by.

Verse 2: Many times Satan whispered, “There is no need to try, for there’s no end of sorrow, there’s no hope by and by.” But I know Thou art with me, and tomorrow I’ll rise where the storms never darken the skies.

Verse 3: When the long night has ended and the storms come no more, let me stand in Thy in presence on the bright and peaceful shore. In that land where the tempest, never comes, Lord, May I dwell with Thee when the storm passes by

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This song touched my soul and opened my eyes to the possibility that not only did God not leave me alone but rather he has been keeping me safe while I weather this storm.

The following week a sermon was preached about our conversions, our intersection with Christ. And I was reminded of the words that were spoken the day I gave my life to Christ, “I will always be with you.”

So in my fear, anxiety, anger, and depression I lost sight of the fact that God promises to always be with me and is weathering this storm by my side making sure to keep me safe.