Intensive Outpatient Program

Before I started the Intensive Outpaient Program (IOP), I was skeptical and feeling hopeless. Because my counselor made the recommendation to start this program, I didn’t do a lot of research ahead of time. Nor did I choose a specific program that I thought would best fit me. I went with her recommendation to attend a program for individuals struggling with mental health disorders a 45 minute drive from our home.

The Program

The program is not specific to women, or postpartum issues, in fact, I was the only member of our group struggling with these specific issues.

Evenings

Jason and I made the decision that attending the program in the evenings would be better for our family. So I joined the group meeting Monday’s, Wednesday’s, and Thursday’s for 3 hours a night.

Making Contact

When I initially called the program on a Wednesday afternoon to discuss my referral and when I could start, I assumed it would take a week or two to get started. I was shocked to find out I would start the next day.

Day One

Thursday afternoon I showed up at the hospital for enrollment. I filled out paperwork, discussed my symptoms and issues with the admissions nurse and psychiatrist, and filled out questionnaires about depression, anxiety, OCD, and bipolar disorder. I signed all the legal paperwork and was told all the group rules. That first night was overwhelming and terrifying. After all the paperwork, I was able to join the evening group that was already in session. I didn’t know what to expect or if this was for me and I certainly didn’t feel comfortable sharing all my problems with a room full of strangers.

My First Group

I remember being nervous coming into the room, finding the first available chair and sitting down. There were 4 other “patients” and a group leader already sitting at the conference table. The group leader had everyone introduce themselves.

The group leader explained that every night we would complete a self report form about our mood, anxiety, and symptoms. Then we would discuss each person’s form, talking through any challenges or triumphs. We were encouraged to comment about each other, but warned that we should only share our opinions and not give advise as we weren’t healthcare providers.

My Plan

That first night I mostly observed. The group was small and fairly quiet. The only dialogue was between the group leader and the individual whose form was being read. I sat there wondering why no one else said anything. It was then that I decided how I would approach this therapy. I would listen intently to each person’s problems hoping that I could help them in some way. Throughout the following weeks I would offer support, encouragement, camaraderie, advice, and interest. I thought of the program as if it was made of two parts to be successful: individual treatment and helping your group mates. And so I dove into the program, giving each of my group mates everything I had.

I spent the next 10 weeks doing just that, working through my issues and helping my group mates as best I could. Because the program is set up to have rolling admissions, the composition of the group changed during the time I was there and I ended up having 16 other group mates during my “stay.” We all came from different walks of life and varied in age, but we were all united by the common thread of depression and anxiety and a willingness to work to get better and openly share our deepest thoughts and fears.

Searching for a Reason

I have spent a lot of time thinking about and wondering what good could possibly come of my illness. Some people think it’s so I can help others in the future that are struggling with similar issues. Some say it will make me stronger than before. I’ve tried to see from God’s perspective how this will positively influence my life, but always come up short.

Tonight while trying to fall asleep, I was thinking about my group therapy and my group mates. And for the first time it hit me, maybe they are the reason, so I could meet each one of them. While I can only tell you about my own personal journey and my general experiences in the IOP, I can say that each person I met in my outpatient program truly and profoundly touched my life in a way that I will never be the same. Each person in their own way slightly altered my path, helping bring me back from darkness.

As one of my group mates would say,

“I am truly grateful that you came into my life. I am grateful that you were willing to share your story with me, and grateful that you were willing to hear mine. Thank you for being you at just the right time I needed you.”

Throughout this process I was able to meet amazing people who I hope to keep in my life for many years to come. As a friend says, “I enjoy collecting people.” And I am glad to have collected each one of you.